by Jessie Brewin Love is wonderful! But, alas, sincere feelings alone are often not enough to decide on living together with an easy mind.
Long-awaited dates, ravishing sex, and even joint trips to resorts do not always allow us to determine the important details on which the joint-life will be built. Before making a fateful step, ask yourself these 5 questions and make sure that you understand what’s in store for you.
1. What do you think about marriage?
A somewhat odd question for those who have already decided to live together, right? But are you sure your objects are the same? For each partner, living together can mean something different. For some, this is a natural step before marriage. And for others, it’s just a new level of relationship, without any plans for the future.
Think about why you made this decision. If the prospect of marriage doesn’t scare you both – excellent! If you both don’t plan to get married – also great! The same vision is vital.
2. Whose privilege is to pay the bills and who is responsible for dirty dishes?
Finances and housework are two of the main reasons for fights. Ask yourself: is my partner responsible, how will he/she behave in stressful situations?
It is apparent that we are sharing not only living space with our partner, but also life. It would be fine to learn that each person has his own idea of ”how-to” – how to pay, cook dinners, wash dishes, water flowers and make up the bed.
You need to find a middle ground between how you and your partner see this situation. There is no model to follow and there are no concepts of “right” – just try to develop a system that will satisfy both of you.
3. How will you end your fights?
The way couples go through conflict impacts their relationship. Many couples start to fight after they move in together. But even if you had some insignificant quarrels or even heavy quarrels before, now everything will change. At least you have to understand that you have nowhere else to go, especially if the apartment is small.
There is a likelihood that not only the manner will change, but also a cause for disputes. For instance, if you had previously closed your eyes to your partner’s chronic slowness, now it can start to irritate you severely.
Living together, among other things, asks for excellent managerial talents. And there will always be issues that pop up in arguments all the time, something that provokes us to quarrel. And only couples who confidently accept this fact and are able to approach this challenging task creatively have a chance to withstand.
4. How will you diversify your sex life?
Most of us are sure that sex will change with the evolution of relationships. But almost everyone foresees from living together only one thing – the total fade of engagement and the transformation of sex into a routine.
Of course, inaccessibility and inspiration add some fire to sex. On the other hand, it depends on us whether sex will get better over time.
We complain about the lack of freshness, but we forget about a unique and secret knowledge of all partner’s erogenous zones, his/her wildest desires, what he/she likes. This knowledge is acquired through trust and living jointly for a while. Make the benefit of it!
Yes, long life together does not always imply novelty in sex, and one can only dream of an uncontrollable desire, like in the first months of a relationship but if you devote at least one day to each other and sexperimenting:) you will be much happier.
5. And what you would want a little bit of privacy?
One of the most significant changes that you see when you are together in the same apartment is the complete lack of personal space you got used to.
Yes, that may sound trite. But we often undervalue the influence of purely personal space and time, seized by the enthusiasm and novelty of living together. Only after several months, we start to feel an acute lack of privacy.
At such times, a person starts to feel guilty. And sometimes he/she even doubts the strength of his/her feelings for a partner. But the desire for private space is entirely normal and necessary. If you have the opportunity to allocate rooms in the apartment, then this will solve the problem. For example, to make an office, or at least agree on who takes this or that room and when. But if this is not possible, look for a solution outside the home. Fitness, dancing, painting club and meditation lessons – believe us, sometimes it’s worth spending time separately from each other. After all, it can be so enjoyable to miss each other.
Have you managed to answer all of these questions together? Do your views coincide? If yes, don’t hesitate, search for a new apartment!
