by Daria Yermashkevich 
- Lesson 1: Love Essentials: Identifying Your Relationship Needs
- Lesson 2: Love Essentials: Fulfilling Your Relationship Needs
- Lesson 3: Revealing Your Relationship Values for Meaningful Connections
- Lesson 4: Beyond Compromise: How Non-Negotiables Influence Your Love
- Lesson 5: The Power of Boundaries
- Lesson 6: Introduction to The Attachment Styles
- Lesson 7: Finding Your Attachment Style
- Lesson 8: Know the Attachment Type of Your Partner to Date Mindfully
- Lesson 9: How to Date with Confidence or Learning Your Strengths, Overcome Your Weaknesses
- Lesson 10: Defining and Achieving Your Relationship Goals
- Lesson 11: Breaking the Vicious Cycle or Identifying and Overcoming Past Relationship Patterns
Setting and reaching relationship goals – that’s what we are going to talk about today. Let’s dive it straight away.
Setting clear relationship goals for yourself is an important part of a journey called finding love. It’s a crucial step that should not be overlooked, but unfortunately, many people skip it.
You may often hear phrases like “I just want to find someone nice, and then WE’LL SEE HOW IT GOES”. The reality is, it won’t go anywhere if you don’t set the destination where you want it to go. These goals will not only give you a way to achieve your perfect love life, but at the same time, they act like a roadmap that helps you make certain decisions and take specific actions.
Having relationship goals brings clarity as far as what one wants and expects from the other partner. The relationship goal is a guiding star that leads you to find a compatible partner in values, desire, and aspirations. They mean setting standards for acceptable behaviors and traits while screening out people who may not be good enough to bring your long-awaited happiness.
Why Do You Need to Relationship Goals?
Although it may be believed that relationship goals are an overmeasure and can remove some romance and pleasure from dating, in fact, it is needed. Here are a few reasons it is a good thing to set clear goals before one starts searching for their next partner.
- It gives you clarity on what you are doing. Knowing what you want from a relationship gives a clear direction and purpose. It could help in steering your actions and decisions to achieve such goals.
- It helps you to stick to your standards. The goals of a relationship help you know what behaviors and traits are acceptable to you and which are not.
- Preventing misunderstandings. If both parties’ relationship goals match from the beginning, it can prevent misunderstandings and disappointments later on. Being on the same page about expectations regarding commitment, monogamy, long-term plans, and other important terms is a must for a strong foundation.
- Building a strong foundation. Knowing your own relationship goals may help build a good foundation. It allows mutual respect, understanding, and support, therefore creating a healthy relationship dynamic.
- Filtering potential partners. Defined objectives help you identify who is the best for you and filter out persons who probably don’t share your vision or expectations. This might save you from spending your precious time and emotions on a relationship that doesn’t meet your needs or satisfy your longings.
- Bring some extra points to your confidence. When you’re clear about what you want you radiate a strong and attractive energy of confidence.
How to Set Relationship Goals?
For this exercise, you will need all the previous lessons. Take notes about your relationship needs, your core values, non-negotiables, and attachment type. Have one more close look at these lists and then you can start the exercise.
Step 0. Do Research
Look at the couples and relationships that you like. Check the role models of perfect relationships and analyze how people behave in those couples and how it differs from the way you usually do. At this step, you need to gather as much information as possible about how healthy relationships can look like.
Step 1. Visualize Your Ideal Relationship
Close your eyes and take deep breaths. Try to quiet your mind, focusing on the present.
Now, in your mind’s eye, begin to visualize an ideal relationship for yourself. Not a particular person, but qualities, dynamics, and feelings you’d like in a relationship. To get you started, ask yourself the following questions:
- How do you communicate with each other?
- How do you resolve conflicts?
- How do you show love and affection?
- How do you receive love and affection?
- What shared interests or values do you have?
- What does your social life look like? Do you spend time with others together, separately, or a mix of both?
- What kind of support and encouragement do you offer each other?
Step 2. Write Everything Down
Open your eyes and write down everything you envisioned. Be as detailed and specific as possible. Remember, this is your ideal relationship – it’s okay if it seems too ambitious. The aim here is to understand what you truly want.
If you prefer pictures, you can create a visual board and fill it with images that represent your ideal relationship. You can even use this board as a constant reminder of your ideal relationship. Arrange it in a way that you want and put it somewhere in your bedroom. Visualization is a powerful instrument to tune our brain for the right relationship, however, remember that the process doesn’t stop here and go to Step 3.
Step 3. Turn Your Vision Into Goals
Now, look at what you’ve written and identify key elements that stand out – these can be turned into tangible goals. If you wrote “We support the growth in each other’s lives,” the goal would be, “I will support my partner’s growth and expect him/her to do the same with me, focusing on my ambitions.” The idea here is to create mutual support and focus on giving and receiving within your relationship.
Here you can also use your lists of values, needs, and non-negotiables. In the end, you will get two lists, one with the description of your ideal relationship, and the second one with the qualities of your potential partner.
Step 4. Break Down Your Goals into Actionable Steps
Finally, break down each goal into smaller, actionable steps. So, if you have a relationship goal “We communicate openly and honestly,” your personal goal can be something like this: “I will express my feelings directly when I’m upset,” or “I will learn to communicate in a constructive way.” At the same time, if you have on the list your partner’s qualities “My partner is open, ready to listen and share,” it also makes sense to add to your personal goals something like “I will actively listen when my partner is speaking without interrupting.”
The idea of this step is to turn your lists with goals into the things that you can do or the qualities you can start to develop today. If you are looking for a compassionate partner, you will have to learn to listen and sympathize as well. If you want to be able to discuss all the important things freely in your relationship, you will need to master communication and become open and accepting as well.
Step 5. Act
Once you know your goals and the things that block your happy relationship, it’s time to fulfill your action plan. Start to develop the qualities that you want to have and find ways to fulfill your relationship needs. Think about how to communicate your values and relationship goals to your partner.
For example, if your relationship goal is to get married and have kids, you can ask about the relationship intentions of your partner and avoid partners who are not ready to commit. You can also set the time, say, two years, after which you decide whether you marry or break up with the person. Be open about your goals, as there is nothing wrong if you don’t match in this thing with a particular person. You will find someone who suits you better.
Setting relationship goals for yourself is not merely a step, but a stride towards successful and meaningful relationships. Whether you are single, dating, or in a long-term partnership, defining these goals will prove invaluable in cultivating the love life you want and deserve.
That’s all for today! Stay tuned for our next lesson, where we’ll be discussing your patterns in past relationships and how they affect your happiness.
Your Flisk
