Lesson 2: Cyber Love Simplified: Mastering the Specifics of Online Dating

In this lesson, we will get to know the specifics of online dating and how it influences your relationships. 

Online dating has its unique features and dynamics that set it apart from traditional forms of dating. Here are a few things that one should know about online dating:

Access to a Wide Range of People

Online dating gives you access to a vast number of potential matches, far more than you could ever meet in person. This can be both an advantage and a challenge, as the sheer number of options can sometimes be overwhelming and can lead to decision paralysis.

The Importance of Profiles

Online dating relies heavily on profiles. Your profile is your introduction to potential dates, and their profiles are your first glimpse of them. You need to spend time creating a profile that accurately reflects who you are and what you’re looking for. An obvious plus of online dating is that you can get a sense of someone’s personality, interests, and what they’re looking for before you even start a conversation. But the minus is that profiles can be misleading. Some people might not be as nice as they present themselves in their profiles.

Communication is Mostly Text-Based

Initial communication in online dating is mainly text-based, often through in-app messaging. This can make communication more challenging because the tone and nonverbal cues aren’t present. It’s crucial to be clear and intentional in your messages. As a plus, you can communicate at your own pace and think about what you want to say. However, the text doesn’t convey tone or body language, which can lead to misunderstandings and can make it hard to flirt and attract attention.

Online to Offline Transition

At some point, if things are going well, you’ll transition from communicating through the app to meeting in person. A smart thing to do first is to talk on Snapchat or Facetime, or any other app that allows you to see your partner. This small step will let you make sure that this person is real and looks like it was in photos. Besides, you will get more chances to understand if you click with this person or not.

Planning an offline date is a significant step that requires careful thinking to ensure safety and comfort for both parties. Remember that when engaging in online dating, safety should always be a priority. Never share sensitive personal information with someone you’ve just met online. And always meet in a public place until you’re comfortable with the person. You need to think in advance about safety before going on the first date.

Potential for Deception

Unfortunately, some people misrepresent themselves online. This might happen through old or manipulated photos, or by lying about their personal circumstances, age, job, or even marital status. Be cautious and look for consistency in their communication. Deception is a risk in any dating scenario, but the text-based nature of online dating may allow for a more careful analysis of what’s being said. Consider also checking the person’s social networks. You can ask directly to exchange your profiles as most people don’t mind it, or check yourself if you know the name and surname of the person. Social networks can give you more proof that this person is real, has particular hobbies and goes out with friends.

The ‘Paradox of Choice’

Having so many potential matches can lead to the “paradox of choice,” when it becomes difficult to make a decision because there are too many options. This can result in a feeling of dissatisfaction, as you may constantly feel like there might be a better option out there.

Rejection Can Be Easier, But Still Tough

Online dating makes it easier to reject and be rejected. Online dating makes it easier to move on from rejection quickly, as there are many other potential matches. While this is part of the process, it can still be hurtful. Remember not to take it personally – not everyone will be a good match.

Patience is Key

It may take time to find a good match, and there can be a lot of trial and error in the process. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t find the right person immediately. Though it can be frustrating and emotionally exhausting if the process takes longer than expected or if you encounter a series of incompatible matches. In the end, with a mindful approach, you will find the best match for you.

What Are the Common Problems of Online Dating and How Can Mindfulness Help You?

The nature of online dating brings about some very common problems, which, fortunately, you can overcome with mindful dating practices.

Misrepresentation

In online dating, it’s not uncommon for people to misrepresent themselves, whether that involves using a decade-old profile picture or fibbing about their real age, job, or relationship status. In this scenario, mindful dating can help by teaching you to be authentic and encourage authenticity in others. If you are genuine in your interactions, it sets a tone and expectation for honesty and authenticity.

Overwhelming Choices

With so many potential partners available online, making a decision can feel overwhelming. Mindful dating can help you navigate this by teaching you to focus on quality over quantity. Rather than swiping endlessly, mindful dating encourages you to spend more time engaging with fewer people, focusing on the present moment and connection, rather than the multitude of other possibilities.

Superficiality

Online dating can be incredibly superficial, with decisions often made based on a quick glance at a photo. Mindful dating, however, encourages a deeper connection. You learn to look beyond the surface and appreciate the individual’s personality and values, thus forming a more meaningful connection.

Ghosting

This phenomenon is particularly common in online dating. Mindful dating emphasizes open communication, empathy, and respect, encouraging individuals to communicate their feelings openly, even if it means ending potential relationships. This reduces the likelihood of simply disappearing without explanation.

Distance

Online dating allows for connections with people far outside your local area, but distance can pose challenges for relationship-building. Mindful dating practices remind us to consider practical aspects, including geographical distance, in our pursuit of meaningful relationships. It also helps us focus on the present and enjoy connections as they are, rather than stressing about future challenges.

Scams

Online dating scams are unfortunately common. Practicing mindfulness can make you more attentive to red flags that indicate potential scams, like rushing to move off the platform, professing love quickly, or asking for money. Some common signs of scams are fast declarations of love, asking for financial assistance, avoiding cameras, moving off the platform, vague information, bad grammar and spelling, and requests for personal information. If you encounter something of these, be very careful – most likely you are talking to a scammer.

Safety Concerns

Meeting strangers can come with safety risks. Mindful dating encourages you to listen to your intuition and prioritize your safety. It’s about being aware of your feelings, feeling confident in setting boundaries, and taking precautions when meeting someone new. Consider some nice precaution measures, such as choosing a public place, informing your friend or relative about the place and time of your date, using your personal transport or public transport to get to and from the location, staying sober, using safety features or apps, and staying attentive to your instincts.

Communication Challenges

Misunderstandings are common in text-based communication. Mindful dating encourages open, clear, and empathetic communication, as well as patience in understanding others’ perspectives, thereby reducing misunderstandings.

Incompatibility in Real Life

It’s possible to have a fantastic virtual connection with someone that doesn’t translate in person. Mindfulness can help you manage expectations, acknowledge feelings of disappointment without judgment, and move forward. It encourages resilience and acceptance, helping you to cope with such experiences without losing hope or enthusiasm for dating.

Mindful dating thus provides a powerful approach to navigating the challenges of online dating, helping you to establish healthier, more satisfying relationships. And in Course 7 “eRomance 101: Winning Strategies for Online Dating Success”, we will learn how to create a nice dating profile and master the basics of online communication to prepare you for your smooth online dating experience.

That’s all for today! Stay tuned for our next lesson, where we will learn about three common dating patterns that don’t let people find a good relationship.

Your Flisk