Week 1. Compass to Compatibility: Navigating Your Journey to the Perfect Match

Lesson 1: Understanding Compatibility and Chemistry

Today we’ll find out if chemistry is stronger than compatibility and if it is the right parameter to find your perfect partner.

How well two people get along and understand one another speaks of how compatible they are. If two people are compatible, they often find understanding, relating to, and supporting each other easier, which might lead to a smoother and happier relationship.

Types of Compatibility

• Personalities: Do you both enjoy similar things? Like, if one loves quiet time and the other does too, that’s a match!
• Values: Do you both believe in similar things? Maybe, you both think family is super important.
• Life Goals: Are your future dreams similar? Do you both dream of traveling the world by working remotely or do you dream of settling in one place?
• Hobbies: Do you enjoy the same activities? Maybe you both love watching movies or hiking.
• Physical Connection: Do you feel good and comfortable when you’re close?
• Talking: Can you chat easily and solve problems together? If yes, your communication styles are compatible.

Remember, no one is 100% compatible in every aspect. Every relationship will have areas of both alignment and difference. Successful relationships often depend on how couples navigate and negotiate their differences, communicate effectively, and show mutual respect and understanding. Additionally, over time, people evolve, which means compatibility can shift; continuous communication and understanding become pivotal in such cases.

Though you can’t find a complete match, you still can do some things to find a person who will be highly compatible with you and hence you will have more chances to build a long-lasting and strong relationship.

Is Chemistry the Same as Compatibility?

Chemistry and compatibility are not the same thing, though they often intersect in relationships.

Chemistry is an instant attraction or spark between two people. This can be physical, emotional, or even intellectual. Chemistry is often immediate and can be felt intensely at the beginning of a relationship. However, it might not always last over the long term.

The main reason why it can disappear is because it’s based on feelings, which can sometimes be fleeting or change with circumstances. What do people say about how it feels? The butterflies in the stomach, the tingling sensation whenever one sees or thinks of the person they like, and a desire to be near them. This feels like you have a spark.

Compatibility is the ability of two people to live together in harmony when the values, life goals, interests, and characters of both coincide. As compatibility implies a way deeper connection, it has a more enduring quality, often sustaining relationships over the long term. Compatibility is based on shared values, mutual respect, and understanding, which are typically stable and less influenced by fleeting emotions. Ease of communication, shared life goals, mutual respect, and understanding, and the ability to navigate conflicts constructively are the signs of true compatibility.

Why Relying on Chemistry Alone Is a Bad Idea

Although a powerful connection with someone can feel good, the intensity may dominate your thoughts, making it hard to concentrate on anything else. This intensity can sweep you up in the potential of the relationship, making it difficult to assess if the individual truly compliments you. We might find ourselves making excuses for our partner’s actions or believing that over time we’ll naturally grow more in sync. When smitten, it’s easy to assume that the other person shares our core beliefs, which also might be true and might not. Sometimes it’s possible that what we perceive as “chemistry” might actually be anxiety. The familiar “butterflies” and intense excitement might be masking deeper apprehensions, which can be misconstrued as romantic feelings.

Chemistry Is Not Always a Good Sign

While many people tend to rely on the butterflies in the stomach and the feeling of a spark, in reality, it is not always a sign of true compatibility.

When scientists analyzed relationships, they found out that many couples that last didn’t fall in love instantly. Instead, they were seeing each other often, and love started to grow in them. Instant chemistry can be explained by overall attractive looks and how people present themselves. Narcissistic people and those who are good at flirting always make us feel the spark. But with time, other qualities start to matter more, and our preferences change. In addition, you can think that it is the spark when in reality it is anxiety. Anxiety can be a result of the hot-cold behavior of your partner.

Many people make the mistake of believing in the spark too much and staying together even if there is nothing anymore that unites them. So, instead of pursuing the spark, opt for slowly developing love. This carefully nurtured feeling is way stronger than the initial spark.

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Lesson 2: How to Find a Compatible Person?

To really find the person compatible with you and get into a happy and strong relationship, you need to understand yourself first. You will need a lot of attention to yourself and patience.

Know Yourself

As we discussed in previous courses, you need to perfectly know yourself first. Discover your core values, needs, boundaries, non-negotiables, and relationship goals using the exercises we gave you in the previous courses. Why do you need all these efforts? First, when you know yourself and what you expect from a relationship, you understand where to look for your potential partner and which qualities you also want to nurture to appear in such a relationship. Second, when you understand yourself, it gets way easier for you to understand other people, and spot particular qualities in others.

Prioritize Open Communication

When dating or meeting new people, have genuine conversations. Discuss values, ambitions, and experiences to gauge compatibility. When you listen actively and empathetically and use open-ended questions you usually foster deeper conversations, which is great to build the connection. This helps in revealing aspects about them that simple yes or no questions might miss. If you don’t judge a person, they will be more open to you, and you will quickly understand if you match or not. Learn to get interested in people for real. The dating dynamics can make us more detached from people. Yes, all first dates are the same, and when we do it too often we don’t even notice how we start to present our bio as facts and analyze people as a combination of criteria. Be present and try to engage your partner in an open conversation.

Become the Person You Like

If you already have the image of a person you want to be with, the person who has similar core values, with whom you will engage in the activities you want. You have a vision of your future relationship, and now it’s time to live it. Don’t wait for your partner to come and bring you a perfect life, live it now. Think about what you can do every day to live your core values and satisfy your emotional needs, participate in hobbies, classes, or activities you’re passionate about. When you become the person you want to be with, you will naturally attend places where similar people can be. And you will meet your potential partner exactly there, doing the things that both of you like to do.

Try Something New to Broaden Your Network

Sometimes we get too focused on what we usually like to do. If you keep trying new things, you can discover that you are passionate about way more activities. And it may well be that you will meet a partner who has interests that you never thought about, but they are also nice to you.

Expand Social Circles

Attend social gatherings, join clubs or groups, or attend workshops. These settings can introduce you to diverse people, increasing the chances of finding someone compatible. Ask your friends to introduce you to someone. The more contacts you have, the easier it becomes for you to communicate and find the best partner for you.

Stay Authentic

We all want to look better on our first dates, we want to be valued and appreciated. But don’t make the mistake of playing someone. Being genuine ensures that potential partners get to know the real you, leading to more genuine connections.

Be Patient

Finding true compatibility often takes time. Remember, it’s better to wait for a meaningful connection rather than rush into a relationship that might not last. Stick to your core values, and don’t abandon them out of impatience. If after a few dates, you feel that this is not right, most likely, this relationship won’t get much better with time. And remember that though dating new people all the time can be demotivating, it stays like that only while you are too attached to the result. Cherish the process of meeting diverse people and learning from each interaction, and you will get way more enjoyment from dating.

Reflect after Dates

After dates or interactions, take a moment to reflect on how you felt. Did the conversation flow naturally? Did you feel respected and understood? Pay attention to your feelings.

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Lesson 3: Finding Your Perfect Match

Understanding what you need in a partner for a happy and healthy relationship requires a combination of introspection, experience, and clarity about your values and desires. Though it can work without a clear understanding, knowing what you want will save you a lot of time. However, remember that your checklist is not a precise description of the person. People can’t be ideal, and there will be points that you will have to compromise on.

Exercise: Create an Image of an Ideal Partner

Step 1. List what’s important for you

Think about your core values, and which of them you want to share with your partner. Add those to your description of an ideal partner. Consider how you can live these values today, how people live these values, what they do, and what places and events they visit. By following your core values, you will meet more people who find the same things important.

Step 2. Remember your previous relationship

Think about your previous relationship. What did you miss in your partner? Which qualities did you like in your partner? Write those things on your list.

Step 3. Spot the most important things

Now, check your lists of core values, emotional needs, relationship goals, and non-negotiables. As perfection is impossible to reach (and it is normal), you need to choose real deal-breakers out of all these things. Also, think about what traits are unacceptable for you and can make you stop communication even after the first date. Now, with these two lists – what you want to have and what you don’t want to have – you are ready to start searching for your ideal partner.

Key Traits to Look for in a Partner

The multiple kinds of research proved that all of us overestimate some popular traits like wealth and beauty, and underestimate some even more important qualities that eventually make or break a relationship.

Emotional Intelligence and Empathy

Even if interests and hobbies don’t completely coincide, but the partner is kind and sympathetic, your relationship may last long. Such people are usually very supportive and ready to accept a different point of view, which contributes to a stronger relationship. How to identify these qualities? Look at how your partner behaves with colleagues, waiters, and people in the street, especially in conflict situations. An empathetic and stable person will avoid reactive answers, instead, they take time to think over a question and respond clearly.

Loyalty

Also, notice how your partner acts if you are not feeling good. In the long run, you will want a partner who you can depend on regardless of what is happening to you. If your date is not very attentive to you when you feel sick now, most likely they will leave you in trouble later. You can also check this quality by asking if your partner has friends from earlier periods of their lives. Also, don’t try to handle all your problems on your own, if you suddenly have some. Solving trouble together and making tough decisions together is part of a long-lasting relationship. By letting your partner help you with a difficult decision, you can test how you will get along in difficult situations in the future.

Desire to Grow

Relationships are often about changing and people who are ready and willing to grow, develop new skills, and understand new points of view tend to succeed more in long-term relationships. It doesn’t mean that all people with a fixed mindset are doomed to be single. Yet, it is way easier to build a relationship with someone who has a growth mindset.

People Who Know How to Conflict

Quarrels are inevitable in every couple, however, not all people fight to defeat their partners. Pay attention to how important it is for your match to prove their truth, and look for people who can listen and want to accept other points of view as well.

That’s all for today! Stay tuned for our next lesson, where we will talk about how to better understand your partner, their needs and values.

Your Flisk

Quiz: Navigating Your Compatibility Journey

What does compatibility in a relationship refer to?

A) Immediate physical attraction
B) How well two people get along and understand each other
C) Similar financial status
D) Sharing the same hobbies

What is the primary difference between chemistry and compatibility in a relationship?

A) Chemistry is about shared values and mutual respect.
B) Compatibility relates to instant attraction.
C) Chemistry is an instant attraction, while compatibility relates to aligned values, interests, and personalities.
D) Chemistry and compatibility are the same thing.

Why can relying solely on chemistry in a relationship be problematic?
A) Because chemistry always leads to a successful relationship.
B) Chemistry might be based on fleeting feelings and can change.
C) It ensures the relationship will last.
D) Chemistry is only about physical attraction.

Before looking for a compatible person, what is the first step one should take?

A) Go on as many dates as possible.
B) Know yourself.
C) Ask friends for recommendations.
D) Attend all social gatherings.

Which trait is often underestimated but crucial for a successful relationship?

A) Wealth
B) Physical appearance
C) Emotional intelligence and empathy
D) Shared hobbies

What does it mean when someone has a growth mindset?

A) They are always seeking financial growth.
B) They are open to change, willing to develop new skills, and understand new points of view.
C) They are focused on personal physical growth and fitness.
D) They only care about increasing their social media followers.

Why is it important to stay authentic while dating?

A) It helps you get more dates.
B) Being genuine ensures potential partners get to know the real you.
C) It’s easier to remember lies.
D) People are more impressed with those who pretend.

What is a sign of true compatibility in a relationship?

A) Instant attraction
B) Agreeing on everything
C) Ease of communication and mutual respect
D) Sharing the same group of friends

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Week 2: Decoding Partner Needs & Values for Unbreakable Bonds >>