Week 2: Decoding Partner Needs & Values for Unbreakable Bonds

Lesson 1: Decoding Partner’s Needs & Values for Unbreakable Bonds

Understanding and discussing life values with a potential partner is crucial for determining compatibility and building a foundation for a long-term relationship. Core values influence our life decisions and behavior and sooner or later they start to have a great effect on our relationships.

How to Understand the Life Values of Your Potential Partner?

Observe Their Actions

Values are often better demonstrated through actions than words. The way how someone treats others, spends their time, and reacts in various situations can give you insights into their core values. Here are a few examples: if your date consistently takes time out of their busy schedule to volunteer or help others, this can indicate they value altruism and community involvement. If someone frequently talks about or prioritizes spending time with family, it can show the importance they place on family bonds. However, if your match keeps telling you about honesty, but tries to deceive others to gain a bit of profit, this is a red flag.

Ask Open Questions

Avoid leading questions that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.” Instead, make them expound on how they feel and think. For example, instead of asking, “Do you work a lot?”, it would be better to ask, “How do you feel about work-life balance?”.

Listen to Their Stories

People’s past experiences, family upbringing, and life stories can give you a lot of insights into their values. For example, stories about overcoming challenges, relationships with family, or pivotal moments in life. Pay attention to the topics of their stories. If they talk a lot about their career, goals, and ambition, they might value personal achievement and growth. Someone who always makes an effort to meet friends and attends numerous social events likely values social connections and friendships. Also, be attentive to their jokes, comments, and complaints. Our patterns and subconscious thoughts often seep into our words. Values are very deeply integrated into our personality, so they are likely to shine through a person’s words.

Check Their Social Media Profiles

Sometimes, the content people share, the posts they like, and the causes they support online can hint at their values. What do they mostly speak about on their SNs? Do they share only parties or pics of nature? Do they speak a lot about the events and galleries they visit?

Be Attentive to Their Reactions

Our interactions tell the most about us when we don’t control them that much. Stay attentive to how your partner behaves when some non-trivial situations happen. When faced with a conflict, do they try to understand the other person’s perspective and find a middle ground? This might indicate they value empathy and compromise. If they shout and blame every person except you, be sure that soon you will be one of those who are wrong. Also, check how they handle it if they’re faced with an ethical dilemma. This will tell you more about their moral values.

Talk About Role Models

Role models in our family influence our future relationships. However, the role models that we choose ourselves to follow are not less important. Ask your match what they admire and whose qualities they would like to have. If they admire someone because of their philanthropy, they might value generosity. If they have immense respect for a public figure because of their environmental activism, they likely value environmental conservation. If they like rich and successful people, they value success and achievement.

Think What They Spend Time On

Analyze their commitments in terms of hobbies, activities, or responsibilities. Someone who commits a significant amount of time to mastering an instrument or art form may value discipline, passion, or creativity. A person who regularly participates in marathons or physical training might value health, determination, and resilience.

Listen to Their Future Aspirations

Dreams speak very loudly about our core values. If people often talk about wanting to travel the world, they might value experiences, adventure, and cultural understanding. If they’re saving money to buy a house or invest in a venture, they might value security, ambition, or entrepreneurship. People like sharing their dreams and aspirations with someone who supports them, so listen carefully and you will learn a lot about your partner.

Engage in Deep Conversations

Don’t waste your time on small talk. Find a way to discuss more important things that can really reveal what you or your partner thinks and feels. Certain subjects can naturally elicit responses that shed light on values. Discussing topics like child-rearing can give insights into their views on discipline, education, and family roles. Conversations about politics, while delicate, can reveal values related to social justice, equality, and governance. You can tell a story that you have recently learned about and ask for your partner’s opinion. Don’t be judgmental if their values and point of view appear different from yours. You are exploring the values of your match and your goal is to understand if you are compatible or not. Remember that you are not here to convert someone to your faith.

Understand Their Boundaries

Everyone has boundaries, and understanding theirs can reveal underlying values. If someone firmly avoids work-related tasks on weekends, they might value work-life balance. If they maintain strict boundaries about certain topics or personal space, they could value privacy and respect.

How to Talk About Core Values on Dates?

As the key instrument to understanding the core values of your partner is a talk, we’ve gathered some tips for you that can make the whole process easier.

Choose the Right Moment

Values are quite intimate things in our lives. We are not often ready to share them with complete strangers. Rather than diving straight into deep questions, look for natural segues in your conversation. It might be more comfortable after some initial small talk and when you both feel relaxed engaging in a pleasurable and relaxing activity, say, watching a sunset or walking in a park.

Ask Hypothetical Questions

These can be great icebreakers like “If you won the lottery tomorrow, what would you do with the money?” Certain questions reveal priorities and values, like whether they value experiences over properties. You don’t need to be direct if you find it doesn’t match with your usual style. You can tell a story about someone else who won a lottery and spent money in a certain way and then ask your partner what they think about that.

Share Your Own Stories

Sharing your experiences and what you have learned from them gives your date an opening to share similar experiences or values.

Discuss Books, Movies, or Current Events

Conversations about characters’ decisions in a book or movie or about what’s happening in the world can naturally lead to a discussion about values.

Ask Follow-up Questions

When your date brings up a value that is important to them, ask follow-up questions like, “What does that mean to you?” or “Can you give me an example of how that’s played out in your life?”

Be Non-Judgmental and Open-Minded

When talking about values, the attitude should remain open-hearted and open-minded. Neither of you is there to judge one another but to understand. Whenever values clash, try to understand why a person would look at things in a way they shared.

Respect Differences

You don’t have to agree on everything, but what is important you need to understand each other and find out whether those differences are what’s known as a deal-breaker or if they are something that you can respect and work your way around in a relationship.

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Lesson 2. Unlock the Relationship Needs of Your Partner

If you have passed our previous courses, you already the importance of understanding your relationship needs. However, it’s understanding the partner’s needs is what makes you a pro in relationship studies.

Why Do You Need to Understand the Relationship Needs of Your Partner?

You can not understand someone without exercising your ability to be compassionate. Feeling for your partner usually happens during the deep talks which fosters a deeper emotional connection. This intimacy that you build often makes your partner feel understood and valued, so they start trusting you more. And trust is the foundation of any strong, lasting relationship.

Many conflicts arise from misunderstandings or misinterpretations. That’s why by understanding your partner needs, you can address issues before they turn into problems.

How to Understand Your Partner’s Emotional Needs?

It will be way easier to understand your partner’s needs once you take some time to understand yours. We talked about it in our previous courses and learned the way we can fulfill our needs. But what about our partner? How to get clues of their needs?

Take Our Exercise

The easiest way to take this crucial step together with your partner is to complete our exercise from the previous course. It will be a way more entertaining journey for both of you if you make this self-discovery journey together. You can create a special relaxing atmosphere, take some tea, turn on nice music, and reflect on your needs together. Help each other and be supportive. This activity can even unite you with your partner on a deeper level.

Open Communication

The most simple tactic is building a habit of frequent check-ins with your partner on what’s going on inside both of your heads and souls. Use open-ended questions like “How does it make you feel when we are spending time together?” or “Is there anything in our relationship that you would have wished were different?” to start a deep talk.

Active Listening

It means listening actively when your partner talks, paying attention to what they actually saying, and also to the feelings and intent behind the words. It means not interrupting, not formulating your response while he continues to talk, and just being with him in that moment

Observe Non-Verbal Cues

Body language, facial expressions-even tone of voice-reveal things about your partner and their needs. Sometimes, it isn’t what is said, but what is left unsaid that holds so much importance.

Know Their Past Relationships

The keys to your partner’s present may lay in their past experiences. For instance, a person was neglected in a previous relationship, so they may need more attention and validation now.

Understand Their Love Language

The concept “Five Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman all people have different ways to express and receive love. The author talks about five main love languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Knowing your partner’s primary love language might give you a clue about what he or she needs. You may read the book together or you can read yourself and discuss it with your partner.

Seek Feedback

Encourage your partner to let you know when their needs are met and when they aren’t. This merely creates an open channel of feedback and adjustment for you, making it easier to continuously accommodate each other. You can set such emotional feedback as a rule for your couple when everyone is encouraged to speak about their feelings and everyone is heard.

Create a Safe Space

Your partner should feel safe expressing their needs without fear of judgment, ridicule, or retaliation. This trust fosters open communication.

How to Help Your Partner Meet Emotional Needs?

With an understanding of your partner’s needs, now you can strive to meet them as a way of showing love. The simplest thing to do here is to ask them what they really lack in your relationship based on their needs and start doing something regularly to improve this situation.

Also, put your mind to work and think about what you would want to get from your partner if you had such a need. For example, if your partner has to be accepted and liked, you can train yourself to let him or her know things that you like in them. Make sure that you devote all your attention to them when you are together. It can be a short period of time, but it should be totally their own: no phone, no gadgets, no distractions.

That’s all for today! Stay tuned for our next lesson, where we will talk about how to become a good listener.

Your Flisk

Quiz: Understanding Your Partner’s Values and Needs

Why is understanding your partner’s life values important in a relationship?

A) It determines if you have the same favorite colors.
B) It helps in building a strong foundation for long-term compatibility.
C) It’s a fun topic to discuss.
D) It ensures you both like the same movies.

Which of the following is NOT a way to understand your partner’s life values?

A) Checking their social media profiles.
B) Asking them about their favorite food.
C) Listening to their future aspirations.
D) Observing their actions.

Why is it beneficial to ask open questions to your partner?

A) They can be answered with just ‘yes’ or ‘no’.
B) They allow your partner to elaborate on their thoughts and feelings.
C) They help you avoid sensitive topics.
D) They require less thinking.

In discussing core values on a date, what type of questions can reveal a lot about someone’s priorities and values?

A) Direct questions.
B) Yes/No questions.
C) Hypothetical questions.
D) Questions about the weather.

Why is it crucial to understand the relationship needs of your partner?

A) It helps you win arguments.
B) It fosters trust and builds a deeper emotional connection.
C) It guarantees they will always agree with you.
D) It ensures you get more gifts.

To ensure your partner feels understood and valued, what foundational element should you cultivate in the relationship?

A) Suspicion.
B) Jealousy.
C) Trust.
D) Competition.

Why is it essential to create a safe space for your partner to express their needs?

A) It ensures they only say what you want to hear.
B) It makes them feel inferior.
C) It encourages open communication without fear of judgment.
D) It guarantees they will never have any needs.

Series Navigation

<< Week 1. Compass to Compatibility: Navigating Your Journey to the Perfect MatchWeek 3. Matched by Design: Using MBTI to Find Your Perfect Partner >>