How to Spot Insecure Men on the First Date

When you meet a guy online or even offline, you don’t know much about their character at first. You need to be attentive to get to know them: listen to what they say, analyze how they behave, learn if they are ready for a serious and healthy relationship. We prepared several tips that will help you to figure out your date’s personality and find out if he is insecure.

What insecurity is

According to APA Dictionary of Psychology,

Insecurity is a feeling of inadequacy, lack of self-confidence, and inability to cope, accompanied by general uncertainty and anxiety about one’s goals, abilities, or relationships with others.

Insecurity is linked to mental health conditions such as narcissism, anxiety, paranoia, and addictive or dependent personalities.

Why it’s important to know if your man is insecure

An insecure man isn’t capable of building a healthy, not toxic relationship with a girl. Maybe at first, dating him is like a fairytale: he courts you, treats you like a queen, gives compliments and presents – makes you feel the prettiest girl ever. But then, everything slightly changes. His attention to you becomes too excessive. He seems obsessed with you. Simultaneously, you notice his trust issues which turn your relationship into constant proving your love for him. And that’s bad both for your relationship and for your mental health. So you’d better check the following 6 signs of insecurities in a man.

6 signs of insecure man

These are the major characteristics of insecure men. In fact, there are much more red flags. All you need is to analyze their behaviour closely.

1. He needs validation from you

All people like receiving compliments and hearing you like them, but insecure men urgently need it to feel better. They don’t believe that they are quite good, so they seek validation. The problem is that the effect of this validation doesn’t last long. Insecure men often ask the opinions of other people in various situations, they need it to make a decision. Also, when they tell success stories, they want to hear that they did well.

2. He compares himself with others

For insecure men, it is crucial to know that they are good at something, so they monitor what happens in the life of their colleagues, friends, or relatives, who is better or worse than them. Such people want to get more power and higher posts. They don’t like what they have now and how they feel. They compare their level of success, attraction, and appearance. Also, they can ridicule or humiliate others to seem better. Some insecure men go to other extremes and idealize more successful people, based only on one superficial thing: an expensive car, beautiful girlfriend, b family, or vice versa one’s bachelor’s life. And what is even worse, they tend to compare themselves with your exes— talking about them, investigating, suspecting you.

3. He is jealous

It’s one of the most obvious signs of an insecure man in love. They think they are not good enough for you, so you will be suspected of flirting with every single guy you meet. Just because he is sure, you can easily find someone better than him and leave as soon as you get an opportunity. To convince such a guy that you are faithful is almost impossible as such jealousy causes serious trust issues. Eventually, you will find your phone regularly checked and you being accused of betrayal every time you get a message.

4. He worries too much

Insecure men are worried about everything, especially failures. But they want to seem b, so wear a mask of a person without feelings and problems. They can look heartless but feel anger mostly. They want to be “cool” and don’t mind that such kind of actions pushes other people away from them.

5. He doesn’t accept criticism

Insecure men don’t believe in themselves, so they reacte bly to every note. They think that everybody question their authority. These people can’t accept that they are wrong sometimes. They are nervous and show anger, even can hurt you because they want to protect themselves. Only close friends and family know how fragile and tender they are.

6. He speaks ill of his exes

Is he a victim of these horrible girls that were cheating on him and used him for money? If he swears that that is what happened, think twice before getting into a serious relationship with him.

What you should do if you are dating an insecure man

If you notice that you are dating an insecure man, there is just two scenarios to follow:

If you understand and still want to build relationship with this man

Just talk to him frankly. Say what you feel to him and what you feel when he behaves like a jerk. Suggest to go to a psychologist together to overcome all the insecurities of his and yours.

If you don’t want to have romantic relationships with an insecure person

Show some empathy. It’s hard for him, he doesn’t know how to simplify his life, and nobody wants to be in his place. But don’t turn your dates into a psychotherapy session and don’t search for reasons for your partner’s behavior, his childhood traumas, etc. The best that you can do is show your care and support. You can say something like, “I like you, you are a great person but you should face your insecurities and deal with them. I can give you the number of my psychologist, she is great and helped me a lot. You will see your life will change”. Remember, we all have some insecurities. We should accept the fact and work on them. But if you meet a person whose insecurities define how they behave, remember it’s not your task to save them.