Smothering: What’s Behind It and How to Avoid It
Love brings great joy to the lives of each of us, but often our internal fears and unresolved problems turn the joy of love into suffering and everyday quarrels and finger-pointing.
Sometimes we love So much that smoother our partners. How to understand where the middle ground between love and smothering dependence starts? Let’s discover together!
When do you need to start worrying?
- A beloved person becomes the meaning of your life when he/she is not around; you do not want to, either breathe, open your eyes, or move.
- You experience acute anguish, depression, emotional instability without him/her.
- If you want to pursue the object of love – surveillance, letters, frequent calls, the desire to be aware of the smallest events in the life of your love.
- You are jealous all the time, even without reason.
- You lose your self-esteem, pride, and are humiliated by asking for a drop of attention and love;
- You agree with everything a person says;
- Losing touch with reality;
- You are blackmailing; you promise to take your life;
A healthy sense of affection, like mature love, is characterized by the ability to perceive a loved one without idealizing and depreciating projections. A mature person is psychologically resistant to the manifestation of aggression in a relationship. Indeed, in them, as in life, everything happens, quarrels, scandals, which, if they do not destroy the relationship, are a catharsis, relieving love of accumulated irritation and fatigue.
How to avoid it
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Do not turn your relationship into duties for yourself; do not deprive your relationship of joy.
You should not be exhausted, tired, lack of sleep – all this leads to your energy exhaustion, to lack of strength and loss of mood, which affects all those close to you. If you have 3 jobs, leave 1.
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Take care of yourself and your condition.
It means hear yourself and your desires! Very often, wanting to help and make others happy, you forget about yourself. It’s good if caring for others really brings you joy. And what if it, on the contrary, exhausts you? So think about how to take care of yourself first.
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Do not impose your love and do not demand love and attention from a person.
If you are captured by the fear of being abandoned, becoming unnecessary, you are afraid of loneliness, and you do not see your life without a person, whether you want it or not, you will make your relationship and your life worse. You should have your own interesting life without this person. Do not give up your hobby; do not stop communicating with friends and relatives, do not bind yourself to a person. You are an individual.
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Enjoy the process.
Learn to enjoy everything you do. Take 15-20 minutes each morning, stay alone with yourself…and with a cup of your favorite tea or coffee. Time for yourself is vital.
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Be open and speak directly.
Forget about hits. A self-confident person will not hint; he/she will say directly about desires.
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Be grateful.
Know how to sincerely thank a person for what he/she does for you. It is important to be able to see the good in his/her actions, and not to focus on the flaws.
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Know what language of love your partner speaks.
What is important for your love – your hug or a deliciously cooked dinner, a clean apartment, or your praise, a little surprise? This does not mean that you need to communicate only in his/her language of love; you have your own. It is advisable to remember this. Sometimes a simple misunderstanding of the languages of love leads to quarrels. No need to try to be perfect in everything, just understand when your partner feels your love and care for him/her.
Remember, in a healthy relationship, there is no place for a race for power, jealousy, and envy.
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