by Jessie Brewin The guy you like sends you a text message with the offer “to go out and drink some coffee,” which you, of course, perceive as timid, but quite definite flirtations. You rush to meet him at a rapid-fire pace, feeling in advance his admiring gaze full of love, but he/she behaves like a friend and does not even offer to pay a meager bill in a coffee shop. So is it a date or not?
If you feel a little puzzled when you try to figure out whether you are in a “friend zone” or in a “love zone,” then you are not alone: 69% of young people feel the same thing.
The new study, published by USA Today, showed that 2,647 free men and women, aged 18 to 59, often cannot figure out whether they are on a romantic date or a friendly meeting.
I tried to clear up confusion, and this article was born. If you get into one of the situations described below, you can be sure that this is NOT a date.
Telephone at hand
If a partner keeps his/her phone tight, answers calls, checks inbox, sends messages, scrolls FB and Instagram, run away. That’s an excellent way to tell you, “hey, the next video with a sneezing panda is much more interesting to me than you and your perfectly trimmed nails.”
He/ she is not nervous
Not to be confused with carefully hidden excitement, which is still noticeable. The first date, whatever one may say, is stressful for both parties. Even if you meet with the beauty queen or Mr. Universe, she/he does care, at least a little, that you won’t take a liking to her/him. Calmness is usually a symptom of indifference. Your crush doesn’t care if you find her/him attractive with dill stuck between her teeth or not, because, apparently, this is not a date.
No eye contact
Science does not stand still: savants mapped the human genome, space liners conquer the universe. But what remains the same for hundreds of years? People’s way of showing affection – giving flirty looks. And the more sparkling the eyes are, the better for you. If your partner avoids eye contact all the evening, sits, staring at the plate or the screen at the bar or at the waiter(tress) ‘s perky butt, this is not a date.
Distance
The more experienced a partner is, the more unobtrusively and gracefully he will reduce the distance: moving the body forward while sitting at the opposite side of the table, supposedly touching the arm, removing non-existent specks from your shoulder, etc. If there is not a hint of reducing the distance and establishing at least some tactile contact, you should not deceive yourself, this is not a date.
Ignoring touchpoints
No, it’s not about touching. The desire of a partner to find and note similarities, if there are some, even in the most insignificant and trivial aspects (“Oh, cool, and I am also allergic to broccoli,” “Do you really like Aerosmith ?!”) – is an identification system “friend-foe” in action. The interested person will go all out to try to make you a little more “his/her.” And if the person is uninterested, it will ignore your symmetry of views and tastes, no matter how skillfully you whistle the hit song of his/her favorite band.
Quick goodbye
Yes, it certainly matters how easy and naturally you talked the whole evening and how many of your jokes were sincerely rejoiced. But even more important is the moment of saying goodbye. It should be delayed with a positive set of circumstances. All these awkward feet shuffling at the entrance, eloquent pauses and glances – maybe they look awkward, but in fact, this is a good symptom. And on the contrary, if the partner, saying that he is leaving, just leaves, most likely it was not a date.
Sweatpants
You have been choosing the outfit for two hours, left a message or two for your friend begging her to help you, found jeans in which your butt is gorgeous, and your crush just came in sweatpants after training. That’s a dead-end job, he just wanted to drink coffee.
Friends around
You met his friends by chance, and he invited them to join. Remember, only two are participating in the date.
Separate checks
Everything is as simple as ABC. If it’s a date, most likely your partner will offer to pay for both. But if it contradicts your feminist principles, let him know that.
No compliments
It’s important to distinguish the romantic compliments and the compliments of a friend.
- romantic – “You are so charming,” “It’s easy to fall in love with you”;
- friendly – “This outfit suits you,” “You are a very cheerful person”.
The problem is that the line between these species is not always obvious. A distinctive feature of romantic compliments is their periodicity, surprise. And if you receive none, do yourself a favor, say goodbye and find a new object of admiration.
Non-verbal communication
Dilated pupils, your movements, mimic, and words are mirroring, a fast heartbeat – all that is vivid signs that a person is not indifferent. When a man leans back in a chair, armchair or sofa, trying to occupy as much space as possible, a woman, on the contrary, slightly moves forward, that’s the same story. If you notice them, relax, there is some love in the air, your crush is motionless, emotionless statue, forget about romantic dates.
This was the full guide to the complicated dating world. I’ve tried so hard to compile it, now I’m waiting for your reply!
