by Barbara Anderson A marriage proposal can be the most romantic moment or the worst nightmare in your life, it all depends on the situation. Your relatives can decide that you are ready to settle down but their choice doesn’t meet your expectations or your follower from the matrimonial site can be too annoying, it can be any reason to think how to reject a marriage proposal.
If you get the marriage proposal out of the blue it can destabilize you that leads to making mistakes, quarrels with parents, or unhappy family life in the future.
What you should do if you get undesired a marriage proposal
If you are going to reject a marriage proposal, you don’t need to invent a reason for it. There are a lot of bizarre arguments that girl or her family uses in case of arranged marriage: a girl’s father expected another treat, a girl’s mother didn’t like the guy’s education or a girl didn’t like a birthmark on the future groom’s face. It’s obvious that they should just say “No”.
Saying “No way” or playing in a good child isn’t a good answer: you can understand what exactly you need and know how to explain this to your relatives. If you reject a marriage proposal without explanations and don’t mind your family’s reaction you can get a poor reputation and problems with future proposals.
So, we prepared several tips that will help you to build proper communication according to your situation and answer the question of how to reject a marriage proposal.
#1.How to say “No” unintended marriage proposal
If your family’s friends or distant relatives think that now is a great time for your marriage despite you don’t thinking so, hint at it, exert pressure, and arrange a “chance meeting” with a potential groom or his mother so you can gently clear things up.
- In talking with a possible partner it can be something like this:
“I think that I am too young for family life and I haven’t thought about marriage yet”.
Or “I think now I should focus on my career, I see bright prospects for professional growth and I’m afraid that I can’t spend enough time with family”.
- In a conversation with his or her relatives, you can try to say so:
“I appreciate that you want to see me in your family with your beautiful daughter/ charming son. But now I should figure out my profession/ really into my career. I think she or he will meet a proper loving partner very soon, so you shouldn’t worry about it”.
You should set friendly and trusting relationships with your parents, tell them what you expect from marriage, what you need, and why you want to reject this proposal. If you don’t know what you need in your family life, feel yourself hesitantly, you are not ready for this marriage.
#2. How to stop an online conversation
If you are looking for a partner on matrimonial sites, you should be ready to say “no” to some persons that don’t match your requirements. Most sites allow their users to reject communication as soon as somebody is interested in your profile. You can make your choice and click the appropriate button.
But there also can be a situation when you understand that this person is not what you need already during the talking though chat, exchanging emails, or calls.
- If you communicate via online chat you can write something like that:
“I think we should stop chatting. You are an interesting and pleasant person but I think we’re not right for each other. I wish you the best of luck in finding your love”.
Generally, your conversationalist should understand what you mean and agree with your solution. If he starts to argue or blame you, you can log out of the system or report his violation to the site. Make some screenshots as proof.
- If you exchange emails with partner’s parents:
“Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Kapur! Thanks for our conversation and information about your son/daughter! We are very sorry but we think that our children don’t match each other. Our best wishes to your family, we hope you will find her/his soulmate soon!”
- If you communicated with the help of the phone, we also prepared some tips:
It will be the best solution to move your talk to the email. If you say “No” by the phone, you can feel bad about your conversationalist’s feelings. In case you are not able to avoid this talk, you should tactfully say the truth and end the call. “I think things didn’t work out. Good luck and bye.”
If he or she will ask why not, you can use one of these arguments: “We have different expectations”, “We are too different”, “Our astrologists say that there is no matching in our horoscopes, and it is important for my family”.
#3. How to reject after first meeting with parents
If you already have met and talked with a person or his family, a rejection can be a complicated and nervous process. You should be sensitive and polite to them.
There are some tips that will help you prepare for such a kind of conversation:
- Avoid asking irrelevant questions: ask about important things for you.
- Discuss with your parents your strategy before a meeting. Be sure that the parents do not take the initiative in the conversation.
- Determine what things you are not ready to discuss.
- Don’t say about your decision right away at the meeting. Say that you need to think about it and tell them an answer later.
- Make sure that you sent an email or called them. You shouldn’t entrust this deal to someone else, especially a third party.
#4. How to refuse after a face-to-face meeting
There can be a situation when after the first meeting with parents you decided to meet with the supposed groom or bride face-to-face and to know each other better. Sometimes after such meetings, you can understand that he or she is not who you need. If you find a common language or know each other well, you can say “no” and let him or her down gently. If you are still “strangers” and communicating is difficult for you, you can ask your parents to inform you about your solution.
Generally, try to turn the conversation into the exchange messages or emails: it will help you and your interlocutor avoid excessive emotion.
You or your parents can write something like that:
“It’s been a great pleasure to know you, but I think we aren’t a good match. I wish you good luck and hope you will find the proper person very soon”.
It will be enough and you can not answer possible subsequent questions.
#5. How to reject after engagement
An engagement is a serious process that takes place when you, your partner and your families meet and get to know each other and make this important decision. Rejection after engagement in the Indian community is a big problem and is a matter of family honor. Parents are afraid that failed engagement will be an obstacle for the future marriage of their children and it makes them a bad reputation.
But sometimes a rejected engagement can be a good decision, for example, if you heard unpleasant facts about the chosen one or his/her family or find ill-intentioned intent. So, in this case, you should act quickly and decisively.
- Stop your and your family’s communication.
- If you have common photos in social networks you should remove them.
- If your would-be husband of a wife haunts you through social networks or phone calls, delete your profiles and change your phone number.
- If you get expensive gifts you should return them.
- If your groom or his family threatens you, you can tell the police about it.
If you are both rational people you can announce your solution face-to-face and use our recommendations:
- Be polite, and don’t offend a person.
- Focus on the main reason why you want to reject this marriage. Don’t say something unserious “I just change my mind”.
- Let your partner have the ability to ask questions.
- Don’t give him false hope: tell him that it is your final decision.
#6. How to reject a forced marriage
There is a big difference between arranged marriage and forced marriage, despite a lot of people from the west think that it is the same. Sadly, but nowadays forced marriage still happens in India.
If you know that your friend is in this situation or you can say that you’re under pressure to get married you should take some steps. You can turn to support groups, social agencies, or police.
#7. Use a silent treatment
This is a universal effective method that you can use in any unpleasant situation. When you stay silent you demonstrate your disagreement with one or another question. It can look impolite so use it smartly.
There are several cases when you can turn to a silent treatment:
- When you are at one of your family member’s wedding and your relatives start pressure on you to get married too.
- When someone from your environment or your social networks doesn’t understand your rejection and continues to pursue you.
- If you are at an arranged marriage first meeting and someone asks you embarrassing questions.
Try to avoid being too emotional, and if you can, just say “No”.
You can reject a marriage proposal if you think that it is not what you want. Be honest with your parents and tell them what you need before searching for a spouse for an arranged marriage. When you get a clear picture of your future family life you can orient on it and avoid doubt and awkward situations.
