by Jessie Brewin Life consists not only of first dates and torrid love affairs. Every relationship has stand-downs as well, especially when you have been married for more than one year. Step by step, everything becomes boring, and it is naive to assume that you can return everything at once with an urgent trip to a swing club or by watching porn together. To shake out a dormant desire, one must act carefully and with patience. Your marriage is on the line.
It is funny how people are “designed”: lust is our middle name, provided that the object of interest is new and barely familiar. Nature took care of the survival of our species, making sexual attractiveness both exciting and dazzling. But a year, five, or ten after saying ‘yes,’ many people find themselves in an unhappy marriage.
With the article, you’ll find the way out.
1. Take a break
You need to take a time out to identify the true difficulties and problems that arise in your relationship. You should take a break and:
- Stop all quarrels and conflicts;
- Get rid of all complaints and discontent;
- Stop bothering and demanding things from your partner;
- Stop regular instructive discussions;
- Focus on identifying the roots of the problem.
The love for sex cannot be claimed. You cannot “drive” a partner into bed with abuse and screaming.
It is necessary to let the partner and yourself cool down, take a break from the endless empty conversations, which end with even greater resentment and tension. All this is done for the one purpose—a little later, you can calmly talk about what both of you care about.
2. Shoulder the responsibility
Define your responsibility for the violation of harmony in the relationship and accept it. To do this, answer three questions:
- What are your personal difficulties and struggles?
- How have you ended up in such a relationship?
- What is your “contribution”?
This does not mean at all that now you must drown yourself in a stream of self-criticism, and cover your partner with a flow of excuses.
To take responsibility for yourself means that you are ready to admit all your mistakes and failures in relationships and make a sincere apology.
3. Talk without fervor
If you feel that the severity of the situation is decreasing, start preparing for a conversation.
Write down on a piece of paper everything you want to tell your partner about your true feelings, how grateful you are for being near him or her, for help, for faith in your relationship. Share how priceless your relationship is and describe what it means for you.
Do not start a conversation if:
- You are not sure that you can take it entirely calmly;
- You do not feel prepared;
- There is a risk that you can dump all your emotional experiences and sexual fantasies on the partner;
- If you see that during the conversation a person is still full of resentment and anger. In this case, give him or her sincere apologies for all the pain that you experienced together and the pain that you caused.
This stage is not for you to immediately ask for something for yourself.
4. Wait
Calmly. You cannot push on a partner demanding some response. But do not reject touch if you have the opportunity. True sensuality, tenderness, sincerity, and warmth cannot be torn out, knocked out, or bought. Sometimes, touch is more valuable than a hundred words.
Not all men or women can express their thoughts beautifully; sometimes, we learn about the return of intimacy and sensuality through signs of care, touch, and accidental words.
5. Show your feelings
Share your feelings with your partner. Talk about the good and the bad in your life. Show your interest in what happens to him or her.
A real experience of intimacy arises in moments of sincerity and genuine interest. The expression of positive feelings stimulates sexual relations like nothing else.
Find tender words to express warm feelings, thank your partner, and show some admiration.
6. Get rid of constraints and complexes
The next step is to get rid of unnecessary constraints and complexes. When you get married, you feel happy and desired. In the first stage, there are no problems with sex. Over time, you change not only internally, but also externally. You have some wrinkles or bald spots and start worrying about it. As a result, you feel constrained in bed, because you are afraid to look unattractive.
Consequently, you try to take passion and sex under control so that it looks aesthetically pleasing, but it’s not right! You need to be liberated and stay in harmony with yourself and your body. Only then your partner will always want you. After all, passion for sex can appear only if you are completely open to your partner.
7. Bring the contact back
The last step is the resumption of emotional and tactile contact. Very often, spouses do not just stop having sex, but even stop hugging each other, touching each other. This can even lead to sleeping in different rooms. This way, you not only kill your passion but lose your emotional connection with each other.
First, hug your mate at least four times a day. Secondly, you need to sleep in the same bed under one blanket, and ideally hugging each other. Before going to bed, you can gently kiss him or her behind the ear. Arrange romantic theme nights at least every three months. For example, a French-style evening: put on a corset, cook a French dish, light candles, and give your beloved a massage with a feather.
In conclusion
Enhancing sexual activity in a relationship is not a problem. The main challenge in a relationship is to make sex desirable, to return the feeling of love into the relationship. If love is in the air, sexual intimacy will be a natural outgrowth of love.
