by Jessie Brewin Another gender-related paradox: men say that they value silence and purity in women, but the prospect of becoming her ‘first one’ often provokes more questions and doubts than joy and enthusiasm. Boys, don’t despair, I will teach you how to deal with a girl or boy who has less sexual experience than you.
First of all, you need to realize that the first sexual experience for a girl/boy plays a crucial role in self-esteem, their further attitude to sex, and subsequent relationships with people.
The loss of virginity is not only physical pain but the psychological as well. I assure you, even after a long time, the girls (think boys too), remember their first experience. And most importantly, the impression of the first sex and first sexual partner remains with us for life.
If you really have strong feelings for the girl/boy, be aware of your responsibility for her/him. Think over whether you intend to continue to date this person. Remember, you can talk on intimate topics, but your partner should come to the decision to have sex on her/his own. If you put it at least a little pressure, it can lead to depression after she/he loses virginity.
Here I will talk about girls mostly. Usually, it’s them who face some ‘difficulties’. Now let’s talk about how not to spoil everything.
Bad Idea: rush things
Ok, you are an adult guy and have “needs” and so on and so forth. It’s all understandable. Taking into account the person you like is not so experienced, it’s high time to recollect what you’ve learned from your grandad – goodness and the pureness of your intentions. As they say, patience is a virtue.
Good Idea: being patient
The main thing is to have a lot of free time for her. Haste is depressing. It is necessary to create an atmosphere in which a girl could completely relax. Do not insist on sex too heavily. Learn to listen to her.
It would be more comfortable to have the first sex at her home, in familiar surroundings. But you, as a man, have to create a romantic atmosphere: watch some romantic film, talk heart-to-heart, massage up (all at your initiative).
Bad Idea: preparing for the worst
In the collective unconscious, the pest stereotype is firmly entrenched – the elimination of the hymen must necessarily be accompanied by terrible agony and blood loss. To believe such myths is silly.
Firstly, your nervousness will undoubtedly rub off on your partner, who is already frightened. And instead of relaxing and feeling the pleasure, she will start stressing. In the result, it will be harder for both of you. You need positive, not disturbing associations. Besides, a high degree of excitement of a girl in foreplay will ensure the release of endorphins, which are pain-killers by their nature.
Secondly, the expectation of the worst can dramatically affect how confidently your “restless dragon” will feel. It is essential to understand that the requirements for erection at this moment are somewhat elevated.
Good Idea: remembering that the process may not involve any discomfort
Women differ from each other not only in the shape of their faces and earlobes but also in the structure of the hymen. Usually, the hymen is not an unassailable wall. Maybe I will discover America but there are some ‘holes’ in it already. Their number and diameter also depend on the female anatomical individuality and your luck.
Unfortunately, as we all understand, it is not possible to determine by sight exactly what type of hymen a girl is equipped with. So this is always a lottery.
But it would be wrong to say that everything depends solely on the girls. If a man chooses the right tactics, half of the women may almost not notice how the defloration occurred.
Bad Idea: rejecting her (even nicely)
It is believed that deflowering is a responsible procedure. There must be a long-playing relationship and a notarially certified receipt that the gentleman is ready to marry. Probably, this (as well as the prospect of finding out the angry father of the dishonest girl and a dozen of her gloomy brothers that evening) makes some men beware virgins. Thus, some guys leave the battlefield, without even trying to accomplish what was intended.
Hardly anyone has the right to condemn you if you don’t want to hook up with an innocent maiden, realizing that you are not morally or physically ready for such difficulties. But when you give consideration to all the pros and cons, please bear in mind that such refuse is almost always a blow to women’s self-esteem and the progenitor of pest complexes.
A girl can begin to perceive her virginity as a kind of fatal flaw such as the third nipple or cellulite on her knees, which supposedly make her absolutely not sexual. And if you are afraid, first of all, that you will not show a high class in bed with a virgin, then listen to me (ok, read): first of all, first woman’s desire is not to be rejected at the very start of her adult life.
Good Idea: letting her choose
From my own experience, I can say that modern girls are pragmatic and emancipated creatures. Many of them treat losing virginity as an examination: with responsibility and excitement, as something that they have to go through. Therefore, there is often the main requirement for a candidate – someone experienced and trusted. It is this (and not the swears for eternal love) that often becomes a necessary and sufficient minimum. If you do not consider yourself an ideal partner, nothing prevents her from recognizing you as such.
Bad Idea: putting pressure
And there are those who sincerely believe that the virgin will never agree to say ‘bye-bye’ to such a valuable accessory of her own free will. Therefore, they say, the task of a real dominant male is to insist, mollify, breed and in every possible way nudge girls to adult life. Such anxious orangutans sometimes do not hesitate to speculate on a good attitude towards them.
I will say it as it is: to deal with comrades who try to get into your pants at every opportunity, without taking into account that you may not be ready yet, is damn tiresome, unpleasant and humiliating in general. The girl inevitably begins to feel like Bambi, cornered by hungry wolves. And the more a man insists, the more often a potential partner resists.
Good Idea: holding a ‘rehearsal’
Ideally, for the first time you should see each other without panties, not on the day of parting with virginity, but several episodes earlier. Lovers should be able to get used to each other ‘in the genital area.’ For example, this may occur in the form of a game which eventually brings a girl to orgasm through clitoral stimulation.
So, having seen the shadow of the alarm in the girl’s eyes, do not be too lazy to let your partner know that no, you haven’t planned anything of this kind and completely control yourself, but you just want to make her happy and admire her breasts without a bra.
By the way, compliments addressed to intimate areas – a mandatory element of the preparatory phase. It is possible that you will become the first man who happens to see a girl naked (her gynecologist and physical instructor do not count). And from your side, it would be charming and appropriate to talk about how dizzyingly attractive and sexy she is.
So, that’s all that I’ve prepared for you. Guys, please, dating a virgin, remember that they are pure souls. Be gentle and gallant, do not hurt their feelings. Stay lucky!
