by Teresa Greenleaf The first question that probably comes to your mind before the first meeting is:
“What should I ask a potential partner, and how will the first meeting before the arranged marriage go?”
Difficult question, but we have an answer!
Location
The questions to be asked during the first meeting depend on the setting where it will take place. The first meeting with your prospective partner is likely to occur in the presence of your family members. Subsequent face-to-face meetings can be arranged later with the blessing of your family members. Both of these meetings require a completely different strategy.
In case of a group meeting, be polite, and keep the conversation going. The main purpose of such a meeting is to melt the ice and to understand whether it is worth continuing communication. Usually, the conversation is conducted by senior family members; you are an observer rather than an active participant. Parents tend to discuss topics related to:
- career;
- lifestyle;
- main facts about other family members.
Your task is to listen carefully and to answer the questions addressed to you.
During the conversation, decide for yourself:
- Can you fall in love with this man/woman?
- Does this person fit your expectations?
- To what extent are you similar?
If after your assessment there are no red flags, you can proceed to the next stage.
We recommend you ask for a face-to-face meeting with your potential partner.
36 Questions: What is worth discussing face-to-face?
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
This question will help you understand a person’s area of interest. For example, if a girl chooses Amir Khan, you can make a conclusion that she likes cinema.
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
The answer can help you find out if a person is happy with a simple life or is rather ambitious.
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
This question helps to understand whether a person is impulsive or spontaneous.
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
This is a very important question because it gives an idea of what makes a person happy.
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
Let’s reveal if the person is romantic. It does not work with a musician!
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which one would you want?
This gives an understanding of a person’s attitude to life. Some people believe in external beauty, while others cherish mental stamina.
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
It is just an interesting question that can open a person from a new perspective.
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
If someone says, “We belong to the same caste, religion, and city,” you must escape immediately!
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
It is another good question for determining human values. For example, if someone says that he/she is grateful for the family, you know that you are dealing with someone who values relationships.
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
This question is likely to reveal a person’s regrets or ambitions.
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
In 4 minutes, you will learn the main points of a person’s life.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
If the answer is “the ability to answer all your tricky questions”, you know that you are dealing with a person with a great sense of humor.
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
It is a deep question that can help get an idea of the anxieties or aspirations that someone may have.
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
Some of us have unfulfilled dreams, and this question is the way to find out what your future partner is really interested in.
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
The answer helps to navigate the world of a person’s values. Money, family, friendship, productivity, freedom, creativity – just a few examples of values people may hold dear.
16. What do you value most in friendship?
This is a fairly open-ended question to find out which aspects of a relationship appeal to your future partner.
17. What is your most treasured memory?
This question is designed to find out who can be the most valuable person in anyone’s life or what achievements they really value.
18. What is your most terrible memory?
If you want to learn about someone’s weakness or anxiety, this question may open a person to you.
19. If you knew that in one year you would suddenly die, would you change anything about the way you are living now? Why?
The purpose of this question is to find out what habits someone would like to throw out.
20. What does friendship mean to you?
This is just a variant of question number 16!
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
This question is pretty simple. It is designed to estimate how love and affection shaped one’s life.
This is the perfect game to play on a one-on-one date, when you start by saying something positive about a person and they return him a favor. This is done to create a positive connection.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
This question is intended to learn more about how close a person is to his/her family members and how his/her family shaped their childhood.
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
This is a very interesting question from the point of view of psychology. Relations with a mother can tell a lot about a person’s childhood.
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling…“
There are no right or wrong answers. The answer may be humorous, deep, or stupid, and possibly reflect the presence of a person’s spirit.
Most people can give a trivial answer, such as “.. I could share my life with.” Anything better than this should be welcomed.
This is a smart way to uncover “secrets.”
28. Tell your partner what you like about them.
Be honest, telling things that you might not say to someone you have just met. This may be problematic for you, as well as checking how the other person will respond to unexpected comments.
Your story from your past will either make the person laugh or run away. Both are great results for you!
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
This is a question that can reveal something deep that has happened in human life. If someone says he/she never cried, he/she is not honest.
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
This is a good way to win a person’s trust.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
This question is intended to find out what topics are taboo for laughing.
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
Do not expect an honest answer to this question. If you think that he/she is honest, you have managed to open this person for you!
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
This is actually a simple question that can focus on what really matters to the other person.
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find the biggest tragedy? Why?
So you can find out with whom the person has the closest relationship.
Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen. Life is accompanied by many ups and downs, and this question is intended to find out if this man/woman can support you!
The idea is that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness. Allowing oneself to be vulnerable with another person can be very difficult, so this exercise will help you a lot.
